Open Your Heart, Open Your Home: 2023 Year-End Reflection
For the past several years of marriage, Marquis and I have sat down to reflect on the year and plan/pray over the year to come. It is a time when we evaluate the joys, adventures, hardships, and goals we have attained in the year. I believe reflections are helpful because they remind us of God's goodness during every season no matter how easy or challenging a year had been. There are four main things I learned that I will share In this blog post with highlighted things about the year.
Four Things I Learned in 2023:
It is always better to admit where you need rest before you burn out.
I think many of us can agree that life is always busy in some areas. One thing I have learned about burnout is that it can be a hard thing to recover from. But because the Lord is so gracious, he meets us in every place where we need to be refreshed, restored, and rejuvenated. Since I was a young girl, I always had a strong drive to achieve, to succeed, and to better myself. Yet through the years of walking into motherhood and marriage, the Lord revealed to me many times that he doesn’t need me to show up more in my busyness to prove my worth, value, or even freedom in Him and with others. Since I am not a big fan of winding down with television, I have had to commit myself to new layers of resting and resetting. As I rather sleep in, I sacrificed some of my mornings to sit still with the Lord before my kids get up (and they wake up EARLY). I had to be consistent and intentional about new rhythms that helped our home flow during the day. I knew that I didn’t want that kind of discipline yet it was necessary for me to be poured into by the Lord in the areas I felt depleted. I grieved much deeper over things this year and caught myself trying to untangle some habits that left me burned out.
Though we try to show up in more ways than God requires us, He is always ready to recharge us and show us the true form of rest in Him. More gym time was not the resolution. More activities with my kids were not the solution. Putting my heart into ministry was not the solution. In fact, it can seem like your purpose has ended you when you feel burned out. But truly, many times we just need to light our commitment to the Lord more above all other things that can’t fill us. Pruning with the Lord can feel painful until after it is all over, you find yourself more rested in His truth and closer in relationship with Him. My recharging meant I had to let things go, repent in the areas God needed to restore me in and be vulnerable with close people around me for support. I spent the past week in a more rested state and I am grateful for being seen by the Lord in such a way.
Less screen time creates more present time in my home.
In October of this year, I decided to take a longer break from posting on my personal social media pages that I am most engaged on. I had to take a step back and look at the transitions of life around me and how much time I spent being connected online. As a writer online and a stay-at-home mother who engages in community on the Internet; I knew I wanted to challenge myself to grow my dependence on the Lord even more. I wanted moments of feeling isolated to bring me to God’s word and prayer instead of filling up space through scrolling on more challenging days. I knew that the posture of my heart was going to be necessary to truly hear what God was speaking to me and my family. I did not want social media to become a idol in my life I could not break from.
I wondered if it would change my social media engagement with others and it did, I lost quite a bit of followers, however, it was important for me to recognize that my relevance in my home mattered more than trying to keep up with content creation and hot takes I wasn’t necessarily desiring to see through Instagram’s random feed. I also wondered how much of a difference it would make to not be on so much on my social media feeds. Instead of checking in so regularly on my personal social media, it made me more intentional about engaging with my friends and family offline. There were so many moments I missed like birthdays and big milestones from others. Yet at the same time, I noticed my friends were texting me more about their life updates since I was taking a break.
I didn’t realize how much the fear of missing out is a real thing in a heavy social media age. I am such a millennial and my life on the Internet started in middle school on Myspace. In counting, that means I have been actively engaging on social media for over 15+ years. Media has evolved since those times and studies have shown the heightened addiction of social media by users. In true transparency, when the holidays came around, I struggled to be offline. I had a variety of days where I checked my feeds briefly and logged back off. I noticed that when I saw some precious moments I missed out on from family and friends, it left me curious to catch up and honestly make sure loved ones were okay. People got married, had new babies, and reached new milestones. It truly did make me smile. There were moments I felt I should post my family’s pictures of Thanksgiving and Christmas yet the reality was, I didn’t even have Instagrammble photos because my focus was not on sharing my holiday moments online this year. I also noticed how I captured fewer photos in these past few months because capturing a few was just enough.
It was new, yet it was refreshing to keep the pictures in the moment. It also helped me to evaluate other areas where I spend time online like blog reading. I truly love blog reading, however, I pushed myself to do more book reading and found that it is much better at night for me than blog reading on my phone which tempts to me catch up and scroll. I still have room I want to grow in as far as my phone usage yet I am glad that I am tackling these things early on in my motherhood as my children grow to understand where my attention is being pulled. As I get back to engaging more on my social media in the New Year, I will continually evaluate how I want to engage and focus my efforts on spreading God’s word and living out the life of a millennial wife, mom, and disciple in my home, church, and community. I loved how the founder, Gretchen Saffles of Well-Watered Women established her ministry to showcase “Word before the World” because truly there are enough things that try to feed us before God’s word and social media have become a huge one for many.
Reading before bed winds down my mind at night.
As I mentioned above, I went back to having a good book to read before bed outside of my personal Bible reading time. It helps me as a writer to connect with the words of the author’s story as well as inspire my heart when everything else in the world looks chaotic. Book reading winds down my mind and puts me in a better state of sleep than scrolling on my phone ever did. I have had to set boundaries over and over again with screen time at night. Sometimes, I am just not going to be able to play catch up between text messages from peers or the latest media updates. I had to realize that we can’t expect things to change until we commit to do something different and for me, that has been cracking open a book a night over listening to worship music that has to come through my phone.
I spent time this year reading faith-based books like Every Woman a Theologian, Well-Watered Women, She Reads Truth, Dare to Bloom, Color of Hope, and Social Sanity in an Insta World. The next thing I need to work on is not being such a bookhopper—haha. Some books I have not fully gotten through simply because I have been book hopping! I also learned that some of these books are best to read during the day and not at bedtime. Usually, the ones I needed to deeply process were the ones that were best for me to save during the day. I discovered that in the New Year, it will be a great idea to set a book goal that will help me to finish books all the way through instead of stopping at a space and moving on to something new.
Opening my home brings me joy and gratitude.
There was more opportunity for us to open our home this year and I loved it! I used to think that opening up your home to others meant you had to make sure you had the best dish cooked with some fresh dessert. There were some moments this year when we cooked for guests and other times when we ordered a takeout. I was able to welcome a group of mothers into my home for brunch where we had intentional fellowship and discussed being made in the image of God. Though I teach at my church, it taught me how much I value relationships in a close community where we can grow in God together and get perspective from one another with the Lord. Marquis and I were also able to host ministry friends and family into our home. Through these moments, I was able to teach our toddler how we can welcome guests into our home. There have been moments this year when I have begun to teach our oldest toddler that the reason why we clean and tidy up is to keep our home feeling cozy for our family and welcoming guests. Does our house get messy in areas weekly? Absolutely. But the goal is to showcase discipleship on display to our children.
As a mom, it is easy to want to huff and puff over messes being made, but I realize that these are moments our children can learn from and that we work together to make our home what it is. Picking up toys after dumping them out is helpful or sometimes keeping things where they are if we are not using them. I talk more about stewarding the home intentionally in one of my latest blogs here. Since I serve the home full-time with my children, bringing community into our home feeds and feels our cup in many ways. Whether is playdates, game nights, fellowship dinner, or meeting someone new for the first time, they get to learn people skills and how to be among others beyond Sunday mornings and family gatherings outside of the home.
As I step into the New Year, I have shared with Marquis that I wanted to lean in with two words; trust and openness. I have discovered that I don’t have deep struggles with obeying God when He speaks a word. I struggle sometimes to trust the process that comes with obedience because truly, sometimes the waiting part feels long. There are several things God has instructed me to do this year and if you know the story of Abraham, in the last line of Hebrews 11:8 it says, “And he went out, not knowing where he was going.” That’s right, all Abahram had was his faith and obedience to the Lord, and through the journey, he had to trust the process with the Lord. I shared about openness because I want to be open with every single detail of the journey to come in the New Year. There will be new things to come and old things to pass. There will be grief to overcome and victory to shout! There will be disappointments displayed yet promises fulfilled. Christ, my everlasting hope is what I look forward to abiding in more and more each day in the New Year.
Before you go. Check out the list of some of my 2023 Year-End Highlights:
Completed three and a half years home full-time
Published my first Christian children’s book
Started a ministry blog and service to mothers called Compassion For Moms
Become a birth doula to support moms through pregnancy, birth, and postpartum
Had my very first (hernia) surgery that I was prayerful could get corrected
Co-hosted by 10-year class reunion
Served in my local church by helping to facilitate/teach a discipleship class
Planned Marquis’ 30th Birthday Surprise Bowling with friends (January-Texas)
Attended two beautiful weddings and caught up with very close friends (September & October-Texas)
Co-planned my mother and father’s 65th and 70th birthday
Visited Orland for the first time and explored new places with our children (December Florida)
Side Note: I was able to meet a mom that I became friends with online who also was in my writer’s cohort. She lives in Florida and it has been such a divine godly connection. So though I had my social media usage reflection, these are meaningful moments that have happened through it and we finally met in person with our children!
Started coaching Pee Wee basketball for 3&4-year-olds
Got back active in the gym (Yes, I am doing poorly with it right now but the point is, I started back after surgery!)
Grew closer to the Lord and my spouse (whom I deeply love) through a pruning season with the Lord
These are just to name a few. Have a Happy New Year! May the strength of the Lord be your guiding light and hope for the days to come.
